tashaluphs

dreamkiller vs dreambuilder

2012-01-31T05:05:00.000-08:00

several days ago my friends always talk about dream killer

what is dream killer?

dream killer is someone who cut your dream. if you have big dreams she or he will always says that we don't have to have big dreams like that. he or she will make you down and think that you can't reach your big dream.

but now, i don't want to talk about dreamkiller. i would like to talk about dreambuilder

yesterday i talked a lot with him

he is not my boyfriend or someone that i like

he is my mentor, teacher, and best friends

he has a humble heart

for me, he is my dreambuilder

yesterday, we have been talking for 2 hours

yes, we talked a lot about my dreams, my passion and my vission

he always helps me to see a bigger dream that i never thought before

he could always make me to never stop dreaming, and assured me that I am able to reach it

he always says that i have a potential more that i ever thought

he is my best motivator

when i feel so desperate, he can bring back my dreams

when i see one step ahead, he helps me to see two steeps ahead

and today, his words always in my mind. his word makes me strong and never stop to dream

"it's not about your skill ,tas,it's about your compassion #ROR"

and i thanks God among many dreamkillers around me, I still have a dreambuilder that always brings me to have bigger dreams

i remember the boy, but i don't remember the feeling anymore

2011-12-30T05:58:00.000-08:00

Today I heard them play the song again

An old familiar strain from way back

when every note and every line

It's always been a favorite song of mine

It used to haunt me so some years ago

Reminds me of a boy I used to know

And although the melody lives on

The memories and the boy are all but gone

And while the song still brings that certain glow

And the words still sing of love I know

It isn't quite the way it was before

I remember the boy

But I don't remember the feeling anymore

The promises we made seemed easier then

As if we knew our love would never end

But seasons change and time erases the tears

As quickly as the rivers disappear

So while the song still brings that certain glow

And the words still sing of love I know

It isn't quite the way it was before

I remember the boy

But I don't remember the feeling

my graduation day

2011-12-01T05:44:00.000-08:00

random

2011-11-28T07:57:00.001-08:00

what if I said someday but someday I mean it never existed
I feel like a dream but for something that will never happen
should I just keep dreaming and faithful that?

random think [2]

2011-10-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

you are the first thing I most wanted to leave behind when I leave this country

all about you

random think

2011-10-12T08:46:00.001-07:00

you were a mistake i knew i was making

someday

2011-10-02T08:01:00.000-07:00

someday you'll realize

how much you cared about her

and how amazing she really was

And when that days come,

she'll be walking with the guy who already knew

i love you, goodbye

2011-09-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

I hope someday you can

Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you

I don't really wanna go

But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do

You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be

Who'll give you something better

Than the love you'll find with me

Leaving someone when you love someone

Is the hardest thing to do

When you love someone as much as I love you

I don't wanna leave you

it tears me up inside

But I'll never be the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

just for you :)

2011-09-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

dan aku akan membawa kamu ke dalam setiap mimpi yang sudah Tuhan kasih dalam hidupku

for my best lecture

2011-09-12T07:44:00.000-07:00

This blog i dedicated for you

for me, he is not just my lecture, he is my father and my best friend

i admired him so much

this is for you,

my best lecture

Mr Robert Oloan Rajagukguk

my fabulaous 23th birthday

2011-09-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

surprise from mami papi babi

Surprise from kidos

This note always make me cry

Last week is my birthday

I realized that God is really good in my life

many things that make me amazed in my birthday

esspecially next year I realized that maybe I could no longer celebrate my birthday together

I may already be in another country

early in the morning when I woke up Ka Chiqa & Ka Frans came in with "THE HARVEST" tart

I am happy with what they always do when my birthday

afternoon suddenly there was a call from one of my mother's spiritual child

She said she wanted to meet me to discuss about her daughters

Our appointment at Aston Primera hotel at 4 o'clock

when I got there I talked long enough in the hotel room until finally there was "OB" who knocked on the door

I was asked to open the door,

and when the doors opened I was very speechless,

all my spiritual children, spiritual grandchildren and all the kids in my area come and bring me a cake

I cried

they give gift to me scraptbook

I see the gifts that night and i am crying

I amazed at how big my God is

He sent me a beautiful gift, which can never be exchanged for any

I cried when I know how sacrifice my children to be able to make a gift

God once again told me "Tash, I never owed in your life"

I created this blog specially for all my little angels

God love you, so do i

Claudia, Sarah, Grace, Devina, Ina, Joy, Ebo, Jasson,

Christy, Nathalie, Ilene, Janice, Cindy, Leo, Anes, Gerald, Luis

officially Renattasha, S.Psi

2011-09-02T05:21:00.000-07:00

big lollipop from Ka Franz & Ka Chiqa. Big thanxz 4 u both

today is my big day 090811

hari yang mungkin sangat gua harepin terjadi selama 4 taun ini

hari yang ga pernah gua sangka bakal dateng secepet ini

beres semua jerih payah gua selama 4 taun

jadi seorang sarjana dalam waktu tercepat

i'm not the smartest student, but God made me the first

setalah 2 jam di ruang sidang,

Let me introduce:

RENATTASHA, S.Psi lulus dengan nilai A

in my big day i want to say thanks to:

mama, papa, inal, aaron. this is 4 u guys!

Robert Oloan Radjagukguk, Ph.D, Psik Gua beruntung banget bisa jadi anak bimbingannya. apa yang Bapa kasih bukan hanya sekedar bimbingan skripsi tapi bimbingan tentang segala hal. i admired Him so much. Jalan pikirannya yang sangat luas dan terbuka. Sosok seorang bapa yang mengayomi anaknya. walaupun kadang keliatan cuek tapi sebenernya Bapa tuh care banget.

Ni Luh Ayu Vivekananda, M.Psi, Psik. She is smart. Ka Ayu bukan hanya sekedar dosen pembimbing tapi sahabat yang baik. Walaupun suka ngilang. hahahaha. Tapi Ka Ayu bisa bikin gua tenang setiap kali gua panik ama semua deadline yang ada.

temen-temen 07. Koko Rocky, Agatha, Handha, Sita, Neysa, Ega, Shila, Restika, Dini, Ninis, Detsy, Ajeng, Galih, Easter, Vivi, Menjay, Agus, Bobby, Ika, Lisa dan semuanya. Makasih buat 4 tain bersama kalian. perjalanan yang banyak ngubah hidup gua. buat setiap semangad, doa dan canda tawanya. will gonna miss u guys

Frans Yanuar dan Jessica Amanda Damadjanto. it was amazing that i have u in my life. thanxz 4 sharing ur life to me. Ur pray and ur love. Nakasih udah dateng detik-detik menjelang saya sidang dengan permen lolinya. Love u most!

my cell is my family

2011-07-01T06:52:00.000-07:00

ga tau kenapa pas tengah2 komsel waktu itu

Tuhan nyuruh gua buat foto komsel area di bawah gua

awalnya susah banget ngumpulin anak2nya

tapi gua cuma ngomong ama leader2nya

tentang maksud gua napa gua mau kita bikin foto area

dan yang paling bikin gua amaze

ternyata mereka nangkep isi hati gua

dan inilah hasil foto2 kita

MYCELLisMYFAMILY

kata pengantar skripsi

2011-06-27T07:19:00.001-07:00

finaly setelah 4 taun,

saia bisa juga nulis kata-kata ini

once again i just want to say

thank you for all

Aku telah mengakhiri pertandingan yang baik,
aku telah mencapai garis akhir dan aku telah memelihara iman.

i don't like him

2011-06-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

me: i don't like him, i don't like him, i don't like him, i don't like him
friend: yes, you do
me: i know :(

marry your daughter

2011-06-14T06:06:00.001-07:00

someday you will sing this song for me

The first time I saw her

I swear I knew that I say I do

I'm gonna marry your daughter

And make her my wife

I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life

And give her the best of me 'till the day that I die

I'm gonna marry your princess

And make her my queen

She'll be the most beautiful bride that I've ever seen

I can't wait to smile

As she walks down the aisle

On the arm of her father

On the day that I marry your daughter

we are S.Psi wanna be

2011-06-14T00:18:00.000-07:00

time passes so fast
I feel, just yesterday I started this journey
but when I opened my eyes, I realized that I was almost at the end of this journey

past four years I have
I laughed, I cried, I am happy and I am sad
all I've passed along your

now I have to end this journey and begin a new journey in my life that I might pass without you guys
thank you because you have become part of a journey of my life

love.you

210511

2011-05-21T07:32:00.000-07:00

and tonight I cried again because of him

tried to remain brave and strong

but I was not too strong to pretend it

I love him

still love you

2011-05-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

I always tried to find his weakness so i can stop loving him

but I can't

I love him

i love him as much as I love him two years ago

never change

i tried to love another man

but i still love him

you're still the one that i love

Do you know how much have I have to force myself?
Can’t you hear my heart calling for you, loving you
But I can’t release my heart out for anyone to know
Can’t you hear my heart’s waiting there for you
Waiting for you to feel it.
I was hoping that you will realize someday

sorry for everything, you still my "man of God"

sweet goodbye

2011-04-26T07:56:00.001-07:00

maybe I was too brave to take this decision

but already I think this decision carefully and without emotion

release does not mean I don't love you

but this is the best way for us

useless if we keep our relationship will only hurt us

hopefully someday you can find the perfect woman who you don't get from me

once again sorry I have to go and leave you

I went without tears, because I was numb with you

I am happy now

masih ada-kerispatih

2011-04-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

Jangan kau tanyakan lagi
Hatiku pasti untukmu
Meski aku tak sempurna
Tak mampu jadi yang terbaik
Apapun yang terjadi ku kan slalu menjagamu
Sebesar ketulusan hatimu

Reff :
Masih ada rasa cinta disini
Yang sanggup membuatmu ada di hatiku, tak kan hilang
Dan masih ada
Kekuatan jiwaku tuk mempertahankan hidupku untukmu
Bersama s'lamanya
Semua yang t'lah kita lewati
Membuat kita dewasa
Untuk dapat memahami, menjalani
Semua cerita cinta kita berdua

Bridge :
Bertahanlah, untukku, karna
Ku cinta kamu

310311

2011-03-31T08:54:00.001-07:00

listen my dear,
only God knows why we came up this way..
we've already tried,
but we can't fight no more..
there's something we can't work on..
so,
when the day has come,
let it be our heart will still be together..
even when we are separated by a long long distance..
trust me, my dear.
our love is the only thing precious..
that i'll take to my final rest..

need to be alone for a while

2011-03-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

leave me alone for a while

23022011

2011-02-23T07:13:00.000-08:00

now been through five days after the day

no sms, no bbm, no contacts

good

all the negative things and I fear for this appear as though

I am afraid in the end he will leave me like them

crying is not going to solve the problem

maybe he never knew what I was feeling

I felt pain, but he seems not to care

KKSK

2011-02-02T01:33:00.000-08:00

ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu
walau kini kau jauh dari ku
kan slalu ku nanti

karna ku sayang kamu

day 3

2011-01-26T03:53:00.000-08:00

iloveyou

love this

2011-01-21T04:10:00.000-08:00

291210

2010-12-29T05:09:00.001-08:00

miss our quality time

girls

2010-11-17T08:19:00.000-08:00

pada prinsipnya cewe itu paling seneng kalo dirinya diperjuangin ama cowo

karena dia akan ngerasa bahwa dirinya itu punya nilai yang tinggi

apapun keputusannya nanti

kecewa

2010-10-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

Sedikit waktu yang kau miliki
Luangkanlah untukku
Harap secepatnya datangi aku
S'kali ini ku mohon padamu
Ada yang ingin ku sampaikan
Sempatkanlah

Hampa kesal dan amarah
S'luruhnya ada dibenakku
Tandai seketika
Hati yang tak terbalas
Oleh cintamu
Kuingin marah, melampiaskan tapi kuhanyalah sendiri disini
Ingin kutunjukkan pada siapa saja yang ada
Bahwa hatiku kecewa

Sedetik menunggumu disini, s'perti seharian
Berkali kulihat jam ditangan
Demi membunuh waktu
Tak kulihat tanda kehadiranmu
Yang semakin meyakiniku
Kau tak datang

aku kan jadi juaranya

2010-09-17T01:23:00.000-07:00

malaikat juga tau

AKU KAN JADI JUARANYA!!!!!!

happy bday to me =D

2010-09-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

menunggu beberapa jam lagi untuk umur yang baru

di umur gua yang sekarang, banyak hal yang gua dapetin

belajar untuk menjadi seorang bapa rohani yang baik buat anak-anak rohani gua

dan yang terpenting adalah belajar memilih teman hidup yang tepat

mungkin kemarin gua sempet jatoh masalah ginian

gua salah menilai orang

orang yang gua pikir baik n tulus ternyata cuma bisa nyakitin gua

tapi gua bersyukur banget bisa ngelewatin ini semua

semuanya gua jadiin pelajaran buat ke depannya

thanxz 4 someone who make me cry, you've made me learn how to be a STRONG GIRL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

goodbye 21 n WELCOME 22 !!!

give up

2010-08-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

trying to survive

but in the end I gave up with my feelings

I gave up and let him go

When I say I don't care, I know deep inside, my heart screams "I still. But you'll never know how much I care."

ik houd van hem

2010-06-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

God, ik hou echt van hem
Ik kan mijn gevoelens niet voor de gek
en nu,
Ik voel me net de meest domme persoon
wacht een onzekerheid
hoop dat alles veranderde

God, ik wil gewoon te vergeten
en ga ver weg van haar leven

030610

2010-06-03T07:26:00.001-07:00

I was someone who was always there for him
and that's the most stupid thing I did

yang tersimpan

2010-05-28T09:12:00.000-07:00

bagaimana bila ku mengalah,
meski sebenarnya ku tak rela??

you

2010-05-13T03:32:00.000-07:00

you came into my life

like a prince in the

fairytale

Kata Pengantar MR

2010-05-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

KATA PENGANTAR

Puji syukur peneliti panjatakan bagi Tuhan Yesus Kristus, yang atas segala penyertaan, perlindungan, hikmat, dan berkat-Nya, karya tulis ini akhirnya dapat selesai. Karya tulis ini, disusun sebagai salah satu syarat untuk memenuhi nilai akhir mata kuliah Metode Penelitian Lanjutan pada Fakultas Psikologi Universitas Kristen Maranatha, Bandung.

Karya tulis ini tidak akan selesai tanpa bantuan dari orang-orang di sekitar penulis. Oleh sebab itu penulis ingin mengucapkan terima kasih kepada orang-orang di sekitar penulis yang membantu penulis hingga karya tulis ini dapat selsai tepat pada waktu. Pada kesempatan ini, penulis ingin mengucapkan terima kasih kepada:

Bapak Robert O. Rajagukguk selaku dosen pembimbing. Terima kasih atas ilmu dan dukungan yang telah diberikan selama 3 bulan terakhir ini, termasuk waktu bimbingan yang selalu sampai malam.
Ibu Sianiwati H, M. Psi., Psik. selaku dosen mata kuliah metode penelitian lanjutan.
Papa, Mama, Inal dan Aaron yang sudah memberikan dukungan moral maupun materi kepada peneliti.
Frans Yanuar dan Jessica Amanda, selaku bapa rohani peneliti. Makasih buat semua doa, kasih dan perhatian. Luph you papibabi n mamibabiquw.
Temen-temen seperjuangan dan sebimbingan, Rocky, Handha, Ichote, Denia, Restika, Joy dan Hanggi. Makasih buat suka dan duka yang dilalui bersama selama menunggu bimbingan di lantai 10. Semangat.
Someone that i call “Man of God”. Makasih buat semua support, doa dan masalah yang selalu bikin saya pusing.^^
Agoes Santosa, makasih buat waktu ngajarin bikin laporan. Kalo ga ada lo, laporan ini ga akan jadi kayanya.
Semua pihak yang tidak dapat disebutkan satu per satu oleh peneliti.

Peneliti menyadari bahwa karya tulis ini belumlah sempurna, masih ada berbagai kesalahan dan kekurangan yang luput dari perhatian peneliti saat mengerjakan karya tulis iniini. Karena itu, peneliti memohon masukan, kritik, dan saran yang akan sangat membantu perbaikan karya tulis ini, dan perkembangan teori Faith Development secara keseluruhan. Terima kasih atas perhatiannya, Tuhan Yesus memberkati.

Bandung, Mei 2010

Peneliti

just asking

2010-04-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

Bagaimana aku akan berkata "SELAMAT TINGGAL"..

kepada seseorang yang tidak pernah aku miliki?

Kenapa tetes air mata jatuh

demi seseorang yang tidak pernah menjadi kepunyaanku?

Kenapa aku merindukan seseorang

yang tidak pernah bersamaku?

Kenapa aku mencintai seseorang

yang cintanya tidak pernah untukku?

maybe I am too disappointed

2010-03-27T03:36:00.000-07:00

Lord, only You know how deeply I was disappointed

not because the decision I had made but because of what he had done to me

very disappointing

but now I learned to take a commitment to remove him permanently

tashaluphs'10

FORGIVE and FORGET

2010-03-20T07:03:00.000-07:00

dari beberapa minggu yang lalu gua lagi mencoba untuk bisa maafin seseorang

maafin semua hal yang udah dy lakuin ama gua

mungkin bagi dy itu cuma masalah yang ga penting n sepele

tapi bagi gua itu adalah masalah yang teramat sangat FATAL

gua kecewa

gua kecewa sama sikap n apa yang udah dy lakuin

berulang kali gua mikir n coba buat ngerti napa dy tuh bs kaya gt

tapi tetep aja tiap gua mencoba buat ngerti

gua selalu sampe dalam satu titik yang ngebuat gua mungkin ga bisa maafin dy

God, I wish I never knew him

maybe if I never knew him, it would not be like this

gua bener2 kecewa

mungkin orang-orang di sekitar gua jg sama kecewanya sama gua

sempet tadi kebawa emosi juga, tapi tiba2 gua inget lagu sherina yang persahabatan

gua suka banget ama kata-katanya

Setiap manusia di dunia
Pasti punya kesalahan
Tapi hanya yang pemberani
Yang mau mengakui

Setiap manusia di dunia
Pasti pernah sakit hati
Hanya yang berjiwa satria
Yang mau memaafkan

wow

nobody's perfect lah

semua orang pasti punya kesalahan

tapi yang terpenting bukan kesalahannya

tapi bagaimana kita memaafkan orang yang salah n bikin kita sakit hati itu

God, give me a heart to forgive him

especially thanxz to
mamibabi who was always there in times like these;
alex that gives me the strength to say it,
and the last for her thanxz 4 the truth that u share;

i love him !!

2010-03-18T06:55:00.000-07:00

My mistake was that I ever loved him

he's been in my life

and now I must go away

ini adalah hasil karya saia dan ivan

2010-03-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

ini adalah gambar-gambar yang dibuat oleh saia dan adik korban bernama "ivan anugrahputra"

forget about you

2010-03-11T01:11:00.000-08:00

sorry because I will begin to erase all memory about you and me

not my intention to not give a second chance to you

but I think it would be in vain

this is the best way for us

please respect my decision

pain

2010-03-10T02:25:00.000-08:00

after all this time did not feel it

now I feel it again

it was very painful

give up those we love to go with someone else

I'm still not mean I'm strong

but I'm just trying to survive from this feeling

my room

2010-02-21T06:26:00.000-08:00

this is the most beautiful and most comfortable place in my life

I like to spend my time here

to pray

to cry all night

I love this place

i like my romm's wallpaper.. cute teddy bear with purple colour

my luphly bed with a lot of dolls

the place where i bring my photo gift from deba with photo someone behind it and my parfume

my sweet 17th birthday present from him and from mario, ijut, def

i luph this teddy bear

This is a valentine gift from someone who is for me too well

sorry because I was too hurt you

I never meant to like that, it's just that I just want to be your friend

mizz highschool time with themmm

2010-02-19T22:40:00.001-08:00

kangen juga yaphh ternyata sama masa-masa SMA

kangen pake seragam yang kaya cleaning service

kangen pelajaran mandarin

kangen X3

dan yang teramat sangat adalah kangen kalian genk K-one (baca kawan)

hyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

mizz you so bad

genk yang kata gua mah sedikit aneh orang-orangnya dengan nama yang aneh jg

tapi gua seneng koq jadi bagian dari kaliann

genk ini berangotakan 8 orang anak yang sedikit madesu kalo ada di kls

kerjaannya kalo ga makan di kls, ngegosip, n saling ngeledek (terutama ngeledek c def ama veo)

1. Fanny

fanny tuh orangnya baek banget
rada-rada lemot
setia kawan
temen nyontek gua nehhhh
ahahahahahahah
selalu bermasalah ama pa PITE (mulai dari digebrak mejanya ampe ves yang nyangkut di pintu.ahahhaha. aib nya banyak)

2. Mario

KM yang baik (soalnya dy 3 taun jadi KM terus .ahahhaha)
pendengar yang baikk
pernah ketauan nyembunyiin hp di p*****nya (udah gt ketauan miss winty lagi)

3. Veo

Miss lemot
kalo diajak ngobrol suka rada ga nyambung (soalnya lama pzn mikirnya)
imut, cantik n satu lagi RATU BOKEP. ahahahahha.. pizz ve..

4. Def

anaknya om simon
kangen kepanikannya (kalo udah panik lucu banget)
selalu kena omel pas pelajaran c goma (kayanya tuh guru sentimen pzn ama lo def.ahahahha)

5. Merlyn

mirip misae aka ibunya sinchan, apalagi kalo udah ngomel-ngomel
galak pznnn buat ukuran ce mahhh
hahahahahahaha
pernah seneng banget waktu bdey diselametin ama PA YAYANG
mantannya y**i.ahahaha

6. Arie

yang paling lierlah di antara kita
anaknya asik tapi suka aneh
ahahahahahhaha

7. Diedie

cowo jutek yang pernah jadi someone special buat gua
diedie tuh orangnya baek n care
bingung aghh mo nulis apalagi ttg dia
ahhahahhahahahha

8. mi aka taah aka tasha

ga usah ditulis lagi aghh ttg gua mahh
ahahahaha

n ada 1 0rang lagi yang kerjaan selalu bikin anak orang nangis di kls

YOHENRY PRAKARSA

ini adalah foto-foto kita..dimanapun dan kapanpun kita selalu foto-foto.ahahha

i love my dad so muchhhhh

2010-02-16T06:09:00.000-08:00

since this afternoon there was one song constantly replaying in my mind

this song is an old song

but I really like this song

this song really express my affection for my dad

i really loves him

he was the most I love

my biggest fear is losing him

I was afraid of losing him

I want to spend my time with my dad as long as possible

he is a hero to me

he is everything to me

God, I just want him to know that I love him more than anything I have

even more than I love myself

I dedicate this song for a hero in my life who always keeps his little princess
until whenever I'll remain his little princess

For : my lovely dad

YANG TERBAIK BAGIMU
ada band

Teringat masa kecilku
Kau peluk dan kau manja
Indahnya saat itu
Buatku melambung
Disisimu terngiang
Hangat nafas segar harum tubuhmu
Kau tuturkan segala mimpi-mimpi
Serta harapanmu

Kau ingin ku menjadi
Yang terbaik bagimu
Patuhi perintahmu
Jauhkan godaan
Yang mungkin kulakukan
Dalam waktuku beranjak dewasa
Jangan sampai membuatku
Terbelenggu jatuh dan terinjak

Reff :
Tuhan tolonglah sampaikan
Sejuta sayangku untuknya
Ku terus berjanji
Tak kan khianati pintanya
Ayah dengarlah betapa sesungguhnya
Ku mencintaimu
Kan ku buktikan ku mampu penuhi maumu

Andaikan detik itu
Kan bergulir kembali
Kurindukan suasana
Basuh jiwaku
Membahagiakan aku
Yang haus akan kasih dan sayangmu
Tuk wujudkan segala sesuatu
Yang pernah terlewati

from : your little princess

tashaluphs'10

I am very disappointed, God

2010-02-12T23:56:00.000-08:00

These days I am always trying to look tough and strong

looks as though there is no any problem

but in reality not

I was hurt

God, I was really disappointed

every night I cry and always hoping that this was all just a dream

I am very disappointed, God

in my mind there is only the question "why"

someone I really admired was not like I imagined all this time

probably no one understands how I feel right now

My heart was too sick

but one thing I learned from this problem

everyone can make us upset, including those who we consider "perfect"

sometimes people who we consider "perfect" is not as good as we think or imagine before

♥tashaluphs'10♥

250505

2010-02-06T04:38:00.000-08:00

This is the last song he gave to me

a few days before he went out again with another woman

it is very painful

feeling that almost five years I saved for someone who turned out in vain

in the silence of my tears I have to let him and my feelings go

Setiap Aku Teringat Wajahmu
Bisakah Hati Ini Memendammu
Berulang Kali Aku Mencoba
Pergi Jauh Melupakan Dirimu

Ku Gelisah...Ku Tak Kuasa
Menghapus Kenangan Indah Bersamamu

Pantaskah Bila Aku Tak Mampu Melupakanmu?
Kini Aku Telah Bersamanya
Haruskah Ku Sesali?
Apa Yang Telah Terjadi
Aku Tak Mungkin Denganmu

Memang Semua Salahku Melangkah
Menjalani Cinta Yang Tak Mungkin
Saat Harus Ku Sudahi Semua
Perjalanan Cinta Yang Tak Pasti

Ku Gelisah...Ku Tak Kuasa
Menghapus Yang Pernah Tersimpan Di Hati

from: him,, my donkey,,

i remember the boy

2010-02-01T01:37:00.000-08:00

i remember the boy
but i don't remember the feeling anymore

aku bukan untukmu

2010-01-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

Dahulu kau mencintaiku

Dahulu kau menginginkanku

Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku

Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh

Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku

Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu

Dan kumohon maafkan aku

Aku menyesal telah membuatmu menangis

Dan biarkan memilih yang lain

Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu

Pasti itu terbaik untukmu

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali

Aku bukanlah untukmu

Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu

Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya

Untuk diriku

KETAKUTAN

2010-01-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

pas gua lagi diem di depan komputer ga jelas,
tiba-tiba keingetan aja ama 1 lagu

lagu lama seh

judulnya "WHO AM I"
cuma selama ini gua ga pernah baca teksnya, cuma denger aja
tiba-tiba tadi Tuhan nyuruh gua buat baca lirik lagunya
OH MY GOD
ternyata keren banget
nyambung ama apa yang gua renungin akhir-akhir ini

kemaren mlm Tuhan negur gua
karena ketakutan gua akan segala hal itu terlalu berlebihan
gua takut buat gagal untuk kedua kalinya
gua takut memulai sesuatu yang baru
gua takut gua takut
tapi tadi mlm Tuhan cuma blg "jangan takut, percaya aja"
dipikir-pikir emang iya seh
ngapain gua musti takut

pas gua renungin alasan terbesar napa gua bisa takut itu karena
selama ini gua mikirin apa yang jadi bagian Tuhan
gimana kalo komsel ga bertumbuh, gimana kalo anak-anak komsel pada ilang
sebenernya kan yang ngasih pertumbuhan itu Tuhan
buat apa gua pusing2 mikirin apa yang jadi bagiannya Tuhan
bagian gua itu cuma lakuin apa yang Tuhan suruh

simple aja
kita itu harus kaya orang buta yang ga bisa liat apa-apa
untuk bisa berjalan orang buta butuh komando ato bantuan dari arahan orang lain
sama kaya kita
untuk bisa terus berjalan kita perlu arahan dan komando dari Tuhan
just listen and do it apa yang Tuhan suruh

nyambung ama lagu tadi
sebenernya semua yang kita lakuin bukan karena kita sendiri,
tapi karena Tuhan yang kita punya

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

keberhasilan sebuah komsel bukan hanya tergantung dari apa yang sudah pemimpin buat
tapi lebih dari itu karena ada Tuhan di dalam komsel itu
seorang pemimpin berusaha menarik hadirat Tuhan ke dalam komselnya
itulah tugas seorang pemimpin
hadirat Tuhan itu bagian Tuhan, kita cuma bisa berusaha menarik hadirat Tuhan itu
kadang kita cuma terfokus pada bagaimana kalo hadirat Tuhan itu ga ada di dalam komsel
heiii
itu bagian Tuhan
lakuin aja apa yang jadi bagian kita

jadi intinya
buat apa kita takut
kita punya Tuhan yang besar dalam hidup kita
Tuhan yang akan nunjukkin kita jalan ke mana kita harus berjalan
kita menjadi takut karena fokus kita bukan sama apa yang Tuhan perintahkan ama kita,
tapi kita berfokus sama apa yang menjadi bagian Tuhan

i call it MIRACLE

2010-01-05T07:19:00.000-08:00

I still remember my wish in my 21th birthday

I wish everything become better

but God said something else

I think it is not getting better but getting worse

I have lost everything in an instant

all I have built from beginning

I initially could not accept

I was disappointed and angry

every night I cry and blame myself

I feel to be the most sinful

but God said to me

to serve Me is not only for status, but because you love Me

I realized that I was wrong

I started to get up from my slump

and looked around me

there is still much more needs me

I began to understand the purpose of God

God made me experience it all for a particular purpose

so I learned to return to the original purpose of God

learn from my mistakes yesterday to rise people who are more extraordinary than them for God

when I lifted my hand, God worked amazingly in my life

He brings me meet an extraordinary girl in magical way

I always call it a miracle

go away

2010-01-04T04:07:00.000-08:00

yesterday I did love you
yesterday I really want you
yesterday it was all the things you are to me
but it was only yesterday
before you get away from me with no reason
I try to survive keep my love for you
but I'm very tired
I think we are too far apart
I'm here and you are there
i think it's enough for me

now it's time for me to get up and go away
thanks for everything

counting time towards the end of the year

2009-12-21T08:20:00.001-08:00

counting time towards the end of the year
huaaaa
I am so excited to welcome in the year 2010, year of EMPOWERMENT

new year
new hope
new faith

This made me reflect that there are so many events that I have spent during the year 2009
either bad or good events
thank God for an extraordinary ENCOUNTER "getting God's vision"
I actually saw the mercy of god in ENCOUNTER
thanks for all God has entrusted to me

this year God has made me strong when I have to lose everything I've built from zero
but much can I learn from this event
"I serve God not because the status, but because I love my God"

but I enjoyed every existing process
I always try to thank every event that I experienced
I am grateful to have a great and a big GOD in my life

I am very grateful to the most important people for me this year:
# Ka Franz & Ka Chiqa
#Andre, Jejes, Yogi, Aldy, Siska
#Kharisma, Nando, Acha, Lulu, Keke, Gun, Dea, Risye, Jojo (and all the Angela's areas that I can not mention one by one)
#Rina Melisa M and Alexander Anugrahputra (my luphly daughter and her dad.ahahahha)
# and the last to someone (you were one of those close to me in this year.ahahahha)

I am very thankful for your prayers,your cares, and your covers for me

and the last I just wanted to say that I want in the next year we will still be together
walking together as a FAMILY to serve GOD
I believe next year will be more extraordinary than this year

let's end this year with thanks
cos GOD is GOOD all the time

see you next year

love you all,

-tashaluphs-

i can't survive anymore

2009-12-16T02:05:00.000-08:00

someone told me,

if you want to forget someone
put all about that person into the box
key that box
throw that key as far as possible
and put that box deep inside your heart

let the box still in your heart
without having to open it again

I have been trying to survive with your attitude
but now i can't survive anymore
I am not as strong as you think
sorry
I had to put all of our memories into that box that I would never go back

if you want me to back i promise, you will never find me to back

hikz..hikz..

2009-11-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

just need a shoulder to cry
achaa, i need you
hikz.hikz.hikz

091109

2009-11-09T06:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel so alone
I call your heart, but there’s no one at home
Taking a toll on my pride
I’m reaching out, but there’s no one inside
You know it doesn’t feel right

When I look in your eyes
I know love is blind,
but the heart doesn’t lie
I’ll ask one more time
Maybe this time you’ll try

So tell me boys
“What deep in your heart?”

Boy I care about you
I’m there for you
So why don’t you care for me
like I care about you?

I spend like all of my day
Trying to sense out just how thing got this way
I though that we were in love
But I swear right know
I don’t know what you want.
I make sure that I give you quality time

But lately,
I feel you’re not home by design
But still I’m gonna try
To give you the love of my life
In hope that you,
that you will open up your heart

Sometimes I’m not sure that
that I am all you got
sometimes I’m not sure you love me or not
just one thing that I’m certain of
Boy, I care for you
And one thing that I want is

You care for me too

hikzzzz

2009-11-08T04:17:00.000-08:00

sepertinya saia mencintai orang yang salah

broken vow

2009-11-04T23:39:00.000-08:00

lagi di kos DEA, n dengerin lagu ini

hmmmm

asa keren aja,
asa kaya pernah ngalamin kaya gini
ahahahhaha

"250505"."150509"
tanggalnya deketan tapi beda taunnya
hehehehheheh

BROKEN VOW

Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end ??

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years??
Who lays with you at night
While I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

ini lagu lohhhh

2009-11-04T08:22:00.000-08:00

gantungnya hubungan cintaku
membuatku sakit
hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
dan meninggalkan dirimu

argghhhh

2009-11-04T06:47:00.000-08:00

Tuhan, saia sayang dia. . .

kamu bener-bener aneh

2009-11-03T06:33:00.000-08:00

kamu dateng tiba-tiba
pergi juga tiba-tiba

apa seh maunya kamu???

for him "my****"

sorry

2009-10-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

gua memang pernah buka hati buat dia..
gua udah pernah ngasih kesempatan ama dia..
tapi dia udah nyia2in semuanya..

sorry I must close my heart for you

cinta..cinta..membingungkan..

2009-10-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

cinta..cinta..
ckckckckkc
perasaan yang membuat bingung aja..

bingung harus gmn..
banyak pertimbangan..
apa karena gua terlalu perfeksionis yaph dalam milih???
huaaaaaaaaaaaaa

gua memang sayang dia, tapi sekarang asa ngegantung ga jls
mungkin memang jalan terbaenya gua pergi dari kehidupannya..

mungkin memang salah gua seh,

terlalu ngebawa dia ke perasaan..

gua ga mau perasaan gua jadi lbh ngedominasi daripada logika gua..

gua tetep harus milih salah satu yang terbae..
gua ga suka hubungan yang ga jls gini..

alone

2008-11-30T03:42:00.000-08:00

hari ini gua ada di kerubunan 600an orang
tapi napa yaph gua tetep ngerasa ndirian??
no one care..no one love..

God'z luph

2008-11-25T02:38:00.000-08:00

God loves you, so do i

God loves me, juz the way i am

2008-11-01T21:15:00.000-07:00

humph...
dari2 kmr2 gua keingetan truz kata2 c yoyo...

luar biasa..

God's loves me becuse i'm TASHA
Tuhan sayang ama gua bukan karena apa yang uda gua lakuin,
apa yang slama ini gua dapetin..
bukan karena skill gua..
God's loves me because i'm TASHA.
it's simple..

His love is unconditionally..

walaupun kadang gua suka melenceng,
tapi Dy tetep sayang ama gua..

Dy ga butuh skill, kehebatan dan smua apaun yang kita miliki buat sayang ama kita..
He luphs me, just the way i am..

that's true love..

DUFAN!!!!!!

2008-10-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

akhirnya setelah sekian lama, kemaren tepatnya hari jumat,,

gua pergi ke dufan juga!!!!hahahahahahaha..senangnya

dengan beranggotakan 7 orang:

Gua, Jeanie, Liwei, Felice, Indri, Awong, & Kacang...

kumpulan mahasiswa yang sedang melepas stress abs uts.
hahahahhahahaha
uda kaya orang aneh aja kita di sana

senangnya!!!!!!!
uda gt sepi lagi dufannya...
smua permaenan dimaenin..
termasuk korosel..
biarinlah, namanya juga ngelepas stress

ya ampun..
ini lagi satu ada foto candid..
jail banget c Jeanie..
dikasih nama "ehem2" lagi..
beuh....
dikira ada apa2nya gua ama c awong th
hahahahhahahahah

keadaan kita waktu basah kuyup abz maen arum jeram

keadaan kita waktu sudah malam..
beuh!!!
cape banget!!!!

diem ampe orang itu nyesel pernah ngomong itu ke kita

2008-09-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

kadang gua suka mikir..
napa yaph ada orang yang ga punya perasaan???
sukanya bikin orang sakit ati aj..
humph..

tapi sekarang gua belajar..
buat ga pernah lagi ngedengerin apa yg dia omongin..
"diem ampe orang itu nyesel pernah ngomong itu ke kita"
betul kan ron??
hahahahahahaha

karena kita hidup bukan karena omongan yang negatif dari org laen
peduli amet orang mo ngomong apa juga..
yang penting sekarang
gua berharga di mata Tuhan..
dan apapun yang gua lakuin cuma buat Tuhan seneng..
bukan buat manusia bangga ama gua..

i must to be strong

2008-09-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

i try to be strong..

kadang susah banget buat jadi "strong" tuh..
berusaha buat nutupin smua perasaan gua..

agh..
terlalu banyak dianggap orang remeh..
selalu dianggap orang gua bs..
tapi ga pernah ada yang tau gmn perasaan gua..

selalu diperdaya orang..
stupid i am..
karena gua ga pernah bs nolak permintaan orang laen..
makanya orang laen jadi seenaknya ama gua..

ga tau lagi gua harus cerita ama sapa..
semua orang ga pernah ada yang mau denger gua..
paling ngehubungin gua klo ada perlunya aja..
hahahahahaha...

BUT I MUST TO BE STRONG..
ga peduli ama orang laen..
yang penting i have God in my life..
keep moving girl..